Making A Change

The past month has been a real roller coaster.  I sit here today in a numb stage, but the weeks before have been tough.  I feel as time moves on, the harder it is.  I think back to September and how different my life was.  Today though, I have become accustomed to my life now and because of that, it is one more reason this battle is so challenging.  I don't want to be accustom to life without Jaylen.  I miss getting up in the middle of the night. I miss cleaning up all the messes, spilled milk and cheeto hands all over my furniture.  I miss the laughter of my little boy.  I miss his little hands, full of cars, and his ten little toes. There is something about a babies feet that is just so cute and I miss rubbing his feet.  I miss his smile, his beautiful eyes that spoke so loudly.  I could go on and on about all that I miss, there are constant reminders of what was and will never be, but some how I get up each new day and face this challenge, seeking on how to learn and grow from this, rather than let it destroy me.  

Fourth of July was quite different this year.  I remember last year distinctly.  Mike and I had planned to take the kids to an event called "Fort Worth Fourth", but at the last minute Mike stayed home because we had a brisket on the smoker that we couldn't leave all day.  I ended up taking the kids by myself, along with one of our neighbor's child.  It was crazy!!  There were bounce houses, water games, face painting, and so on.  The thing that made it so crazy was that it was all free so there we tons and tons of people there.  Trying to keep track of four kids, all by myself, at an event like that was insane and by the time I got home that evening, I was grateful.  That night, we had sparklers for the kids and watched as the neighbors did fireworks.  It was the first year that we let Jaylen hold a sparkler (with assistance).  He loved it!!  Jaylen loved life! He brought excitement to everything we did, even though he was only a one year old little boy.  It's hard to explain, but to all that knew Jaylen, it's easy to understand.

This year for the fourth of July, Jaylen may have been absent physically, but his memory is being carried on.  I have been fortunate to have come into contact with an amazing woman, who lost her three year old grandson, Wyatt, in a drowning, a year ago today, actually. The day her grandson passed, her son, the father of Wyatt, said, "Mom, I don't want this to happen to another family."  Hearing her son say those words, she decided that she was going to make a change.  For the past year, she has been working hard on having life vest available to all children at local lakes.  Along with having life vest available to all children, she is also hoping to have scholarships available towards swim lessons for all children.  Eventually hoping that there will be life vest on every beach, coast to coast, along with swim lessons available for all.

I have felt so honored that this woman has wanted me a part of this process.  We had never met, but someone shared with her the story of my sweet Jaylen and she knew that we needed to meet.  This past Fourth of July, after being in contact for months, we were able to meet and embrace a long hug.  She is from a small town about 90 miles from where we live.  Each year in her town, they have a Fourth of July parade.  This year, she decided to do a float in honor of her grandson and Jaylen, on Water Safety Awareness.  Mike unfortunately had to work that day, but I  knew we did not want to miss out on this event so we headed to Graham, TX.  Two families, two tragedies, coming together to hopefully never have these little boys forgotten and maybe save a life by letting others know of our stories.  

After the parade, we headed to a local lake where life vest were handed out to all children.  It was really neat to watch the day unfold with these vest being available.  When we arrived at the lake, my kids immediately wanted to get in the water so I put the vest on them and walked with them to the water, keeping an eye on them.  As I sat on the shore line, I looked at all the children in the water, playing, without any sort of safety device on them.  It was nerve wrecking.  There were probably 70-80 people in the water and no more than ten of the kids in that water were using any sort of flotation device.  At that moment, I remembered a year prior, taking my kids to a local lake and letting them play in the water without any flotation device either.  I trusted that they knew their limits and I would not allow them to play in the water unless I was right there with them.  I was naive to how easily life can change, as I think so many parents are.  You always hear of the story, but never think that you will actually be the story.  Unfortunately, as I am living this nightmare, I am learning that it is not uncommon for a parent to lose a child.  It actually is far too common and if precautions are taken and made aware, hopefully we can at least prevent one family from living this same nightmare. 

Granbury Lake, July 2013

Slowly throughout the day, I watched as the life vest were put on all these children.  My heart went from feeling heavy to extremely full.  These children may never understand, but from a parent who has lost a child, I was touched at what was taking place.  I am amazed at what Tracey, Wyatt's grandma, has pulled together to make a change.  I am touched that she wants Jaylen's memory carried on and a part of all that she has done.  With each life vest that is handed out, we have put together a flyer, talking about water safety awareness and on the backside of it, Jaylen and Wyatt's stories are told.  All these life vest are free, because of generous donations, the only thing that is required when receiving the vest is that these children and parents hear the story of why we are doing this.  It was a very humbling day, but I left that evening with a happy heart.  It is tragic knowing what brought Tracey and I together, but I am so grateful to be a part of something so amazing.

Putting life vest on the children

 

From the day Jaylen was born, I knew my life would never be the same.  There was a spirit about him that is indescribable.  I feel like the luckiest mom in the world to be blessed to be "Jaylen's mom".  Although he is not in my arms today, he continues to live and good things are taking place because of him.  He has changed my life forever.  I am a better person because of him and as challenging as each day is for me, I am striving to be better with each new day.  I made that promise to be with him again and I will continue to better myself so I can be.